Posted by mia on Thu 5 Sep 13, 7:45 PM
I got thinking about O&P and its place in my life last night. I couldn't put my finger on what it was; is it something i am, something i do, something that is done to me or something else...?
I think it's the latter. I see it, i guess as a word like 'monogamous' or 'poly' in that it's a term that can be applied to a person, something one may stand for and seek in relationships and one term that could be used to define the relationship i'm in.
When time, energy and our dominance and submission are on our side then elements of O&P can be seen overtly. It can be seen in the physical positions we sit in (him on the sofa, me on the floor), it can be heard in the language used (his demands, my "Yes master") and can be picked up on in any number of subtle and less subtle ways. However, sometimes we're busy with people other than each other, we're tired from work, neither of us are particularly motivated to demonstrate the more outward symbols and actions of our dominance and submission, yet this doesn't mean that the O&P isn't there.
O&P was a term my master came up with to discuss M/s and some D/s relationships within a framework of understanding, clarity and respect. The Manifesto explains the core themes underpinning it and what makes it similar to ideas people already have about M/s and some D/s relationships and what makes it different and unique. So I'd like to go through each heading and explain how it can be seen in my life at the highest and lowest D/s 'energy' times of our relationship.
At higher energy/more overt D/s times possession is obvious. He controls everything and gives me orders which must be followed or else he forces me to obey. He almost 'consumes' me. At lower energy/less overt D/s times this is not obvious at all. We would look and we act pretty much like you'd expect most vanilla couples to act. However, it's still there and can be seen in more subtle ways as well as just bubbling under the surface. For example, i will get his food and drink 90% of the time and he will never get me mine, our intimate times are always me being taken by him, etc.
This is something that whether it is high or low energy D/s time, is always present. It's something i have worried about fading before, but in actual fact in low energy times knowing/realising/being made to realise it still exists is something that can reignite us both into higher energy by realising it is there; i am his and i am his slave.
This again is something that runs through both high and low energy times. My consent, through weeks and months of prenegotiation, was only required one final time over 3 years ago. This works well when he has high energy and i have low energy as i can't just 'switch off' and say 'no' if he requires something else of me.
This one is one i'm glad i don't have to juggle and that it's up to him. He is always responsible for me. In times of low energy he has to make the call as to whether it is healthier for me/us to keep it low energy and enjoy watching crap tv and eating pizza and laughing at the cat, or whether my need is to be brought back to high energy and serve him in a more overt and structured way. He's not a mind reader though and so my responsibility is to try and communicate as much as i can so he knows what i'm feeling and thinking. It's not always easy for me, but i try.
5. Respect for other people's property rights
This is more difficult for me during low D/s energy times. If my friends ask me to meet them during high D/s energy times i find it easier to delay giving them an answer and checking with my master. During lower energy times it just seems easier to say 'yes' or 'no' as i feel. However, this isn't quite what this part means, especially as the majority of friends i'm talking about are vanilla and don't know the details of my relationship. I'd like to hope that i am always respectful of other's places in their relationships and that this doesn't change with how i'm feeling in mine.
Haha, the biggest thing that suffers during low energy phases is the housework - but again, this isn't quite what this one means. I always try to be mindful that my behaviour, words, actions reflect on him - however as we tend to be less social during lower energy times it's probably easier to be 'good' in terms of how i reflect on him, as we're often feeling more high energy when we're in more sociable moods.
This is an area that can be more difficult to maintain during lower D/s energy times. He is less likely to enforce things, i'm less likely to be the eager servant. However, it can work really well if i'm high energy and he is low as i get to really think about how i can help him and make his life easier and more comfortable and look for ways to serve him without being asked. Sometimes my service just comes from being a friend, at other times it's more structured. Because the ownership is always there, if he does require something of me then he will ensure i do it, even if i am not in my happy little submissive bubble, but to say this is always easy or immediate would be a lie.
This is him. No matter what is going on, he doesn't lie, cheat, break his word or shirk his duties in maintaining our relationship. This solid and dependable trait allows me to trust him that even at either of our lowest energy times he is someone i can trust and someone i can rely on.
I think it's important to even admit that 24/7 for us isn't 24/7 whips, chains, leather corsets, etc. Authenticity for me is that i can have off days, he can have off days, but how these off days might look could be different to how off days for many other people might look. When push comes to shove, he is master, i am slave and these things are as fundemental to each of us as the love and friendship also present in our relationship every day, this isn't something that can be turned off.
This is something else that doesn't waver depending on how submissive i am feeling or how dominant he is feeling. Actually this fact is a great advert for rituals and symbols, in that with their presence they reinforce that we are not a relationship of two equals, but of one who commands and one who obeys. My anklet (collar) cannot be removed. How drinks are served, how i go to bed, the names and titles i call him; they're not negotiable and what can sometimes seem automatic and (dare i say it...) pointless during more high energy times, are highlighted for their comfort and structure in times when play, kink-socialising, orders and discipline may be less important and less of a focus for us at lower energy times.
So this is how O&P works for me and why it's a great description for me as a person, for the relationship i am in and for the sort of relationships i would feel comfortable in. It's something that we are, something that we do and something that we live all the time.
(Originally posted on FetLife)
Edited Mon 16 Sep 13, 1:45 PM
Possession. Ownership. Consent. Responsibility. Respect. House. Service. Dignity. Authenticity. Rituals.
O&P (Ownership & Possession) is a new structure built from familiar D/s and M/s concepts, defined by the O&P Manifesto.
There is an O&P discussion group on Fetlife.
The O&P Wiki contains articles about O&P and related D/s, M/s, and BDSM topics.
You can also follow O&P on Twitter.